Contentment in Communication

“Communication is a beautiful thing… when it works.” This was said in a group setting I was involved with, but it took me a while to realize that it was only said when communication wasn’t actually working. Ah, good ole irony.

I think we can all agree that communication is important, and that good communication is invaluable. So, what is communication then? Webster has a couple of great definitions: 

1. The act of imparting, conferring, or delivering, from one to another; as the communication of knowledge, opinions, or facts.
2.  Interchange of knowledge; correspondence; good understanding between men.

If I were to impart knowledge (communicate) to a friend by saying, “would you like to meet at a park on a Saturday this month?” She might say, “sure!” but she’s not going to put a playdate on her calendar for each Saturday. Why? Because there was no clear communication as to which Saturday. Even worse would be me showing up at the park on the third Saturday of the month and waiting 45 minutes, upset she didn’t show up. The blame would rest squarely on me since I didn’t tell her the exact date. I missed communicating a key detail.

 First, there must be clarity in communication. Matthew 5:37 clearly communicates that (ha!): “But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.” I’ll readily admit that I’ve been guilty so many times of saying, “Oh, I thought you knew!” or “I assumed…” Assumption is not communication and is a foundational piece of miscommunication. 

What happens when you’ve clearly communicated and there’s conflict in communication? I wish avoidance was the right answer, but I’ll give you a hint: it’s not. As tempting as it is, don’t just drop the situation because the conflict is uncomfortable. Romans 12:18 reminds us, “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” This is a good time to stop and do a heart examination: 

• Am I allowing corrupt communication to proceed out of my mouth? Ephesians 4:29 – “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, (emphasis added) but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”

• Is pride reigning in my heart that I’m “right” in this conflict? Philippians 2:3 gives that soft answer reality check that is often needed: “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.”  
• Am I reacting in anger or any other negative way? Colossians 3:8 – “But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.”  According to Strong’s Concordance, to put off is to put away, cast off, lay apart.