Things Aren’t Supposed to Go My Way

“As for God, his way is perfect…”

Psalm 18:30a

I popped my head up from pillow as I thought I’d heard that familiar noise again…. yep, scratching on the bassinet slats and fast breathing. I glance at the clock. It’s only been a little over two hours ago that I fed her! She can’t be hungry again. She probably just keeps waking herself up by thrashing and now can’t go back to sleep. As I try to give my baby girl her pacifier and will her to fall asleep, the panting noises just continue. This has become her new normal the past two nights. Every three hours, or less, she wants to eat, only to gulp for a short period and then fall asleep, and stay asleep amid Mommy’s prods to keep eating.

I’ve been told recently that babies go through what is called a ‘sleep regression’ around the 4-month mark. Well, my baby girl turned 4 months almost a week ago. But I think she decided she’d start Mommy early on this one because I feel like we’ve been dealing with this less sleep at night and eating more frequently for a couple weeks already. I have to honestly admit that there’s been too many times that I’ve allowed my frustration to get the best of me. I too easily and too quickly just get angry about the situation. Some days I find myself so stressed out because it seems throughout the whole day I’ve just continually given in to my anger. Why? Why can’t I seem to overcome it? Well, this is what I am smack-dab in the middle of learning: things aren’t supposed to go my way!

Some days I’m feeling on top of the world because my baby is sleeping and eating on a good schedule and therefore, I’m able to get a lot around the house accomplished. I’m feeling good about myself. Those are considered good days! But when she messes up her schedule and throws me for a loop, that’s when I start getting frustrated and stressed out. I’m constantly getting angry that day because I’m unhappy with the way things are playing out. My expectations are not being met. I just want to go back to sleep! I just want to get this done! I just want her to stop crying! I just want a moment alone!  Literally, things aren’t going my way. Those are considered bad days. I’ve labeled them as such. But the truth of the matter is, they don’t have to be bad days. I can still have joy and be productive even though my whole day is out of whack. But how? It comes down to, “What is my priority?”

I’m a wife, a mother, and a keeper of my home. You may agree with me that the way in which I listed them is the proper order. True. But there’s something actually missing from that list that should be first. I’m a child of God first and foremost. “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.” Exodus 20:3. If my relationship with God is right, then the others will fall into place in perfect order. “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33. 

But if I prioritize any one of those first above God, then I’m looking for trouble. Chaos and heartache are bound to ensue, just like it did for the children of Israel. When my heart and mind are seeking God’s Face and are bathed in God’s Word, then I can see those out-of-whack days through the proper lens. They are not actually bad days, but days that God has orchestrated for His purpose to teach me and grow me. Even the good days that I have labeled are orchestrated by God to teach me and grow me, just in a different way.

I’ll never stop needing to learn a lesson, whether that’s a new one, or a repeat of another one that I’ve been through 50 times already. (i.e., like patience or contentment, etc. etc.)  I should always be learning and growing in the Lord. And God uses each new stage of life to teach us if we are but willing to learn. Trust me when I say that I’m currently in the thick-of-it with this lesson! But thankfully God is patient, God is kind, God is loving, and God is longsuffering. He’s helping me see in those moments of frustration that I need to ask Him for His wisdom and His help, and to realize it’s not supposed to go my way!