When I was about 14, I heard a chapel message for teens, which challenged us to write down our personal standards of purity & holiness as a way to solidify them in our minds. Draw the line so you know where it is, ya know?
My list went something like this:
- I will never do [specific sin].
- I will never ever [sin in a certain way].
- I will never participate in [terrible sin].
- Etc.
My list went something like this:
- I will never do [specific sin].
- I will never ever [sin in a certain way].
- I will never participate in [terrible sin].
- Etc.
I felt like such a good Christian girl to vow to never do those loathsome sins that "other girls" would do. I truly thought I was better than "that," and my pride set me up for a fall.
Recently I found that list again and responded with weeping, as Peter did after denying Jesus. As I read my list of teenage convictions, I crumbled inside and felt utterly worthless and hopeless.
Recently I found that list again and responded with weeping, as Peter did after denying Jesus. As I read my list of teenage convictions, I crumbled inside and felt utterly worthless and hopeless.
All those things which I said I would never do, I had done them and more.
But just like with Peter, Jesus had known of my downfalls before I'd ever fallen. Jesus knows my sin and loves me still. In the reverberating shock waves of shame and regret that accompany transgression, a gentler wave washed over me too.
There is One with a stronger resolve than me. And He has resolved, "I will never leave you nor forsake you.
Ever.
Even though you messed up this badly.
Even if you mess up this badly again.
Even though you broke your promises to Me.
Even if you walk away from Me.
I would never leave you."
But just like with Peter, Jesus had known of my downfalls before I'd ever fallen. Jesus knows my sin and loves me still. In the reverberating shock waves of shame and regret that accompany transgression, a gentler wave washed over me too.
There is One with a stronger resolve than me. And He has resolved, "I will never leave you nor forsake you.
Ever.
Even though you messed up this badly.
Even if you mess up this badly again.
Even though you broke your promises to Me.
Even if you walk away from Me.
I would never leave you."
"Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me."
And may His promise give me the courage to remain faithful to Him as well.
The goodness of God led Amanda to repentance when she was a 12-year-old girl, and despite a heart prone to wander, He daily draws her to Himself. She continues to attend Lehigh Valley Baptist Church where she was raised, and enjoys sharing digital art and snippets of what God is teaching her on her Instagram account (@amandaangrrr). When Amanda isn’t working her day-job of managing an insurance agency, she is likely to be found trying a new local restaurant, sipping a coffee delicacy, learning something from a podcast or audio book, or finding an excuse to show off pictures of her nieces & nephews.
Comments 3
What a lovely reminder as Satan sits to accuse me of my past failures.
Thank you so much for sharing Amanda. God is gracious to forgive.
I am so thankful for His eternal devotion to us and for His tender mercies and love! What a wonderful message of hope you have shared. Thank you!